Bullying among children is aggressive behavior that is intentional and that involves an imbalance of power or strength. A child who is being bullied has a hard time defending himself or herself. Usually, bullying is repeated over time. Bullying can take many forms, such as hitting or punching (physical bullying); teasing or name-calling (verbal bullying); intimidation using gestures or social exclusion (non-verbal bullying or emotional bullying); and sending insulting messages by phone or computer e-mail (cyber bullying).
Effects of bullying
Bullying can have serious consequences. Children and youth who are bullied are more likely than other children to:
| ● | Be depressed, lonely, anxious; |
| ● | Have low self-esteem; |
| ● | Be absent from school; |
| ● | Feel sick; and |
| ● | Think about suicide. |
Reporting bullying to parents
Children frequently do not tell their parents that they are being bullied because they are embarrassed, ashamed, frightened of the children who are bullying them, or afraid of being seen as a “tattler.” If your child tells you about being bullied, it has taken a lot of courage to do so. Your child needs your help to stop the bullying.
What to do if your child is being bullied
Focus on your child. Be supportive and gather information about the bullying.
| ● |
Telling your child to ignore
the bullying is not the best
strategy, unless it is their
choice and they feel
comfortable doing so.
It is up to the child
whether or not they wish to
ignore it. Ignoring it
can, however, pose the
potential for the bullying
to become more serious. |
| ● |
Don’t blame the child who is
being bullied. Don’t assume
that your child did something to
provoke the bullying. Don’t
say, “What did you do to
aggravate the other child?” |
| ● |
Listen carefully to what your
child tells you about the
bullying. Ask him or her to
describe who was involved and
how and where each bullying
episode happened. |
| ● |
Learn as much as you can about
the bullying tactics used, and
when and where the bullying
happened. Can your child name
other children or adults who may
have witnessed the bullying? |
| ● | Empathize with your child. Tell him/her that bullying is wrong, not their fault, and that you are glad he or she had the courage to tell you about it. Ask our child what he or she thinks can be done to help. Assure him or her that you will think about what needs to be done and you will let him or her know what you are going to do. |
| ● |
If you
disagree with how your child
handled the bullying
situation, don’t criticize
him or her. |
| ● |
Do not encourage physical
retaliation (“Just hit them
back”) as a solution. Hitting
another student is not likely to
end the problem, and it could
get your child suspended or
expelled or escalate the
situation. |
| ● | Check your emotions. A parent’s protective instincts stir strong emotions. Although it is difficult, a parent is wise to step back and consider the next steps carefully. |
Contact your child’s teacher or principal.
| ● |
Parents are often reluctant to
report bullying to school
officials, but bullying may not
stop without the help of adults. |
| ● |
Keep our emotions in check.
Give factual information about
our child’s experience of being
bullied including who, what,
when, where, and how. |
| ● |
Emphasize that you want to work
with the staff at school to find
a solution to stop the bullying,
for the sake of your child as
well as other students. |
| ● |
Expect the bullying to stop.
Talk regularly with your child
and with school staff to see
whether the bullying has
stopped. If the bullying
persists, contact school
authorities again. |
Help your child become more resilient to bullying.
| ● |
Encourage your child to make
contact with friendly students
in his or her class. Your
child’s teacher may be able to
suggest students with whom your
child can make friends, spend
time, or collaborate on work. |
| ● |
Help your child meet new friends
outside of the school
environment. A new environment
can provide a “fresh start” for
a child who has been bullied
repeatedly. |
| ● |
Teach your child safety
strategies. Teach him or her
how to seek help from an adult
when feeling threatened by a
bully. Talk about whom he or
she should go to for help and
role-play what he or she should
say. Assure your child that
reporting bullying is not the
same as "tattling" or
"snitching". |
| ● |
Ask yourself if your child
is being bullied because of
a learning difficulty or a
lack of social skills?
If your child is
hyperactive, impulsive, or
overly talkative, the child
who bullies may be reacting
out of annoyance. This
doesn’t make the bullying
right, but it may help to
explain why our child is
being bullied. If your
child easily irritates
people, seek help from a
counselor so that your child
can better learn the
informal social rules of his
or her peer group |
| ● | Home is where the heart is. Make sure your child has a safe and loving home environment where he or she can take shelter, physically and emotionally. Always maintain open lines of communication with your child. |